Two Weeks, No Wifi

This time I have a legitimate excuse for going almost completely radio silent (unless you follow me on twitter where I’ve unusually chatty). I haven’t had Internet access for WEEKS. WEEKS, I TELL YOU!

Okay, like two weeks. And I still have access at work, but I mean, I’m working! Jeez.

So after two long weeks of being without wifi (something no person should ever have to endure), I am back online. Hooray!

Sort of a funny thing, being without Internet: you feel both very free and very bored at the same time. It really goes to show you how much you rely on having an Internet connection to connect you with the rest of the world. It also makes you realize how little you actually do on a daily basis that isn’t immediately interrupted by mindless scrolling through social media.

Suddenly, without Reddit or Netflix, I’m sort of stranded in my own mind. It’s freaky. You do a lot of….thinking. I don’t recommend it. Scary stuff going on up there.

Kind of makes you go out drinking a lot, too.


Then again, it’s been a really exciting time for me. As I mentioned before (GAH – two weeks ago!) I just moved into a new house and started a new job.

First off, I LOVE my new job. Seriously, between feeling appreciated and respected as an employee and motivated to serve the organization as best I can, I think I might really have a chance at something great here. Not to mention, 90% of my job seems to entail things that I do for free in my spare time. Livin’ the dream, people, livin’ the dream.



I also get to do a fair amount of travel to exciting places like….New Jersey…okay, less exciting than I’d hoped. But I do get to go to Florida at least twice in the next six months, so that’s pretty awesome. I’ll take it!

Best part about working in the vacation industry? Straight from the president’s mouth: “You will never get your hand slapped for taking vacation time.” Damn. Straight.

I could go on for hours about work, but I won’t.

I could also go on for hours about my new house….sigh. Now there’s a work in progress.

This place is falling apart. It’s a 100-year-old house and it’s showing it’s age due to the fact that has clearly been kept up about as nice as any rental typically would be—layers and layers of paint, doorknobs that don’t quite stay attached, and a dishwasher that was never even attached to the counter. This experience is definitely going in my memoir.

And don’t get me started on my loony landlord.



On the bright side, I’ve so much glorious material available to talk about here. I’m not making any promises about being a regular updater because, let’s be honest, I’ve got a lot of outside, real-life living to do. But with my one friend leaving town soon, I have a feeling I’ll be forcing myself out and about as much as possible to cheer myself up. And maybe I’ll actually get around to telling you about those.

Either that, or I’ll barricade myself in my new sunroom/study and take up writing erotic fiction to pass the hours away. At least that stuff sells. I should probably start thinking of a pen name now.

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So. Much. Stuff.

Change is one of those things that never comes one thing at a time. It arrives in massives waves of intense, life-altering events. And the past few weeks have been no exception.

I’ve known for a while that I wasn’t happy at work – a mix of frustration and the realization that I’ve done as much as I’m motivated to do there. I knew it was time to move on. So when I was offered a new opportunity doing similar work in a completely different industry, I accepted and immediately put in my two-weeks notice.

But it was with a heavy heart that I did so because it was this job that really jump-started my life here in the city. I met some of the most amazing people who changed my life for the better. And it propelled me to finally get an apartment and move into the city where I’ve been living the last four months and loving it. Yet, I know it’s the right move and it actually worked out for the best because one of our interns was able to replace me, essentially launching a career in her field of interest. Hooray! I always love a good silver lining.


But with new opportunity, there is always more change on the way.

I’m also leaving the apartment I’ve been in  for the past four months for something new (and above ground!) While a basement apartment was an ideal location for the summer, I’m excited to start building a home in a row house with a porch, patio and space for a garden. And a den! With a desk! And a reading chair! weeeeeee! Plus, I think being able to see the sun during the short winter days will be huge.

I’ll be eternally grateful for the girls who welcomed me into their home here, but I’m also excited for my second home in the city.

Of course…this means a lot of packing….ugh. You’d think I’d be better at this moving thing by now, but no.

It’s a good time to start downsizing and really purging the things I don’t need. For example, I have four pairs of sweatpants…and five pairs of soccer shorts. I wear exactly two of those sweat pants and play soccer exactly once a week. I think it’s time to cut back, don’t you?

Yet, in the spirit of the rule of three, there is one final change headed my way as well. I can’t say much about it because it’s someone else’s private business, but essentially a very good friend of mine is moving away in three months and it breaks my heart.

Everything I’ve grown to know about the city in the last year is changing: my job, my home, my friends.

It’s hard. Exciting — but difficult.

The past few weeks have been some of the most stressful moments of my life thus far, not because anything is bad — all of these changes are good — but because change is scary, especially when it’s all at once and you have no idea what your life will be like once it happens.

But change is always happening and that’s just how things go. And watch, once things do actually calm down, I’ll be complaining that I’m bored and need a change. Go figure.

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Calling myself out

I did something tonight that I’m not proud of. In fact, I’m actually pretty disgusted with myself and ashamed that I behaved the way that I did.

I recognized someone that I used to not get along with in high school, said mean things about her behind her back and then was absolutely lovely and pleasant to her face when she recognized me and came over to say hello.

I acted like a grade-A bitch.

And I feel terrible.

I don’t like to think of myself as someone who would do that, be so stereotypically catty.

Sure, I can come up with a million excuses why:

  1. We have a long history of not really getting along.
  2. I still hold a grudge against the entire activity that we knew each other through, not because of her, but because of a variety of bad circumstances.
  3. And there has been some pretty strong negativity in my life recently that I think it’s affecting me more than I thought.

But at the end of the day, these excuses don’t make up for my absolutely abhorrent behavior. I know I am better than this.

And the fact that I still hold a grudge against her and the whole activity that we were a part of is pretty pathetic. I’m 25 years old. Holding on to any hatred is only poisoning me, not making me better.

I want to be better than that. And I can be — I will be. Because no one deserves to be treated so poorly, and what’s more, it reflects extremely poorly on me.

In terms of the present negativity in my life, I can’t let that get me down. I can’t take the easy way out and just say negative things or complain or rant all the time. That’s the low road. Sure, sometimes you need to blow off steam, but it’s important to fill your life with more positivity. Find the good in people and in situations because when you only see the negative, you become toxic. I’ve been around people like that and it really hurts your world. It takes you to a dark place and you struggle to see the good when all you hear is the bad. I don’t want to be that or be around that.

And the first step is being better myself.

Normally, I would just feel terrible about this and hold it in until eventually something else takes over my thoughts. But I needed to get this out. I needed to call myself out on this because this isn’t something that should just be let go.

I am better than this. We are all better than this. And I’m not letting myself off the hook.

All these months, I’ve been working on being a better person, better to myself and to others, and this was a massive step back. Maybe I can’t make it right with her, but I can definitely make it right going forward.

Let’s be better.

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Instructions for a Bad Day

It’s been a really interesting week. Bad news to good news to troubling moments to exciting and terrifying new things. This video was a nice way to start my Friday so now I want to share it with you :)



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Today – in relevant gifs.

So yesterday I found out some stuff that I’m not thrilled about and I was still trying to process it this morning.


And then I just started to sort of freak out internally, but that’s okay.

freaking-outThen I ran an errand a lunch.


This particular errand made me feel pretty good.

oh-youI’m feeling optimistic.


But then I got a call.


And I skipped lunch because….cake.




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Caffeine Roundup

We can all be better.

I think we all want to be better people, or rather, be the best versions of ourselves. And part of finding that personal awareness is acknowledging our shortcomings.

I admit, I’m not very patient when it comes to learning new things. I want to master new skills immediately and get frustrated when they don’t click right away. My re-learning Spanish is a great example of this. I know the basics so I want to jump right into the more challenging tasks, but then I get in over my head and am much more likely to give up and quit for a while.

But I’m actively trying to start from the beginning and work my way up, because I know it won’t happen over night. I’m trying to be better.

This, of course, is only one of many entries on my list of things about myself I’d like to improve.

And the first step to making these changes is acknowledging that they need to happen. But at what point do we see something as needing to change versus acknowledging that it’s something we need to accept about ourselves?

My personal opinion is that accepting something about ourselves that we don’t like is being lazy. While we may never rid ourselves of a less-then-desirable trait, simply choosing not to try and improve even a little is giving up before you even get started.

What it boils down to is this: Acknowledgement is the first step toward making a change, but acknowledgment on it’s own is not enough.

You can’t use the acknowledgment of a flaw as an excuse for that flaw.

I mean, we’ve all done it. A year ago, I frequently acknowledged the fact that I did not like cities. They are crowded, loud and full of crime. And I often used that as an excuse not to venture outside of my comfort zone. I wouldn’t visit friends. I wouldn’t run errands for work. I actively avoided anything to do in or around cities. Instead of trying to push myself, to try and improve, I just accepted this part of myself and had no intentions of changing. I thought that simply because I had acknowledged this shortcoming, it was enough to justify my never going into the city.

But that was me being lazy. I didn’t want to change even though I was clearly capable of doing so because once I actually went out of my comfort zone and got into the city, my life drastically improved. I’m disappointed that I was so complacent in my lack of desire to improve myself that it kept me from a lot of interesting and new experiences. (But not anymore!)

This is why I get especially frustrated when anyone uses a phrase like, “that’s just who I am” to excuse bad behavior or a lack of interest in trying new things. The fact is, if who you are is someone who treats others poorly, then the person you are needs to change.

Never hide behind your flaws. Accept the responsibility to change. Acknowledge them and try to be better. That’s what makes us human and awesome. Because we are not the same people forever. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We are always improving. We are dynamic and capable of so much more.

Don’t be lazy, be better.

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Don’t let “getting a late start” stop you

Sometimes there are a million things I want to talk about and can’t. Either they are about work or about people in my personal life who would rather be left off this kind of public space or are about things that just need to stay private. But these things have been a significant portion of my life recently and it has made it very difficult to share what’s going on for me. (Also, let’s be real, I’m kind of lazy.)

But with lots of living (on and off the page) comes a ton of realizations. And while getting to these moments of self-actualization and realization are not always easy, when you finally get there, it feels good to reflect and know that you’ve learned something new.

Here’s a big one: The day is not wasted if it starts after 3pm. I used  to think that if I slept in till noon and didn’t really get moving until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, the day was completely wasted. I would tell myself that it was silly to take on any additional plans or try to fit anything in because I was already too far behind to get started. This is so very false! If you have a great night the night before and have to sleep in till noon or later to make sure you are well-rested, then that’s okay! But it doesn’t mean that the rest of your days is a complete wash.


I went kayaking last weekend and didn’t actually get out of the house until about 3:30pm. To me, this was a major activity that usually requires planning. But in this instance, it was just an off-handed comment that we decided sounded awesome and just went for it. It was spontaneous and we were only out for about an hour and a half, but it was an absolute blast. (I have the blisters to prove it!)

This goes for more than just weekends. It’s about maximizing the time you have. A weekday can be more than just work. Evenings can be filled with activities and plans. Just because they start after 6pm doesn’t mean they will ruin the next day. If we’re just working each day, getting through to get home to our beds and dreaming of weekends, then it’s putting waaay too much pressure on to maximizing weekends. And then if we’re sleeping till noon and feeling as though we’ve wasted our weekends too….it can be downright depressing.

So make the most of your day, no matter when it starts! Some of the best times are the ones that weren’t planned for anyway.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”Chinese Proverb

Let’s Chat

What time you usually start your day?

What kinds of activities do you have after work during the week?

What are your plans for the weekend?

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Because ‘MERICA

Hey Friends!

Between Tim Howard memes and vomiting patriotism, I hope you have a great 4th of July! To celebrate, I got you the perfect summer playlist.

You’re welcome.

I dare you to focus

How long can you sit and focus your attention on one thing? In an age of glorified multitasking and over-stimulation, being able to focus on one thing seems to get harder and harder to do. This video from CollegeHumor sums this idea up nicely.

Can you sit for 3 minutes and do nothing except watch this video? I dare you.

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